7 minute read. Content warning: Internalized Ableism & Access Challenges (discussion of self-criticism related to accessibility and non-verbal communication), Mental Health & Self-Doubt (mentions of negative self-talk and struggles with internalized ableism), and Grief & Heavy Themes in Art (brief discussion of an exhibition that holds space for grief alongside joy)
chatGPT Summary: Kay returns to the FLEET mobile studio residency, this time in Burnaby, while continuing their Radical Silence Project. They reflect on the differences in accessibility between locations, the challenges of practicing non-verbal engagement in professional and public spaces, and the personal and collective tensions between inclusion, self-doubt, and creative discipline.
I have returned to FLEET, but this time, I am in its location in Edmonds Park (within colonially defined Burnaby, BC). Talk about a difference – heat, water, finished cabinets for tables and chairs, a curtain for privacy and best of all – a generator that supports a kettle.
While my stay is listed as January 27-February 23rd (with an open house event scheduled for Sunday the 23rd to wrap the engagement), my own work within the Radical Silence Project will extend through February alongside the non-verbal engagement series with grunt gallery. I have also used these first few days to test the distance walking from my home to the park (2 hours and 45 minutes) and get settled. Sadly, the studio space is again without Wi-Fi, which challenges my plans, but I’ll make due. The park has public Wi-Fi, and even though we have heavy snow in the forecast, I can bundle up to map the park and do the occasional download while focused on desktop-based work in the heated trailer.
I intend to make another game that maps the park using Twine again. It will be another place-based game, but this time, I want an option to playthrough with interactions with the physical park (exploring AR) while allowing for a virtual experience, which allows those who cannot make it to the park to have an inferior experience. The Haunted Island is meant to be played in October or Hallowe’en (although, one can, of course, roleplay and immerse themselves in imagined or virtual time). I plan to return to the island this October to host a playthrough of the game – whether non-verbally or voice-on (we’ll see). Do I want to lock the Edmond’s Park game at a similar time? Should this game only be playable in the late winter, or can I employ AR so that the game can be played at any time with the screen skinning the park to a specific time or season? Lots to consider.
I have dropped off my supplies at the trailer but have been asked to keep the space free tomorrow and next Sunday for another group’s use. It is supposed to snow heavily tomorrow, so I guess I should be grateful for a reason to stay home, but I am itching to occupy the studio once again.
Voice off, day one
At 1 PM today, I co-hosted a tour with exhibiting artist Teresa Vander Meer-Chassé, who is currently showing at grunt gallery. I messed up booking the interpreters and so filled in with ASL “translation,” but it was messy, and the captions stopped working partway through the tour, so it got rougher as I went. I am trying to remember to be kind to myself and accept mistakes, but… It’s an ongoing practice, trying to juggle the technology, and while I am trying to keep it breezy and be clear it’s a work in progress, I definitely feel some stress when I let people down on the access front. However, it was cool that a few students learning ASL were there, and they chatted with me after the tour wrapped.
I am honoured to have been a part of the team that presented this show, which embraced tactility and access in an effortless way. Towards the end of the exhibition, I was approached by the Museum of Vancouver to host an access tour, which included my friend Carmen. He is in the process of making a movie about care and his non-visual experience within visual arts in Vancouver, and asked if the tour could be filmed. Teresa consented to it, and I am jubilant that this work is documented alongside Carmen’s work. I hope each museum and gallery lucky enough to host Teresa and her work in the future continues to embrace the welcoming and inclusive spirit that dwells alongside the heavy themes this show explores and celebrates. To have found so many places for connection and joy while holding space for grief was very special. The show has been digitized with a virtual 360 tour (which will remain active for 6 months after the show and then be replaced with stills) and a creative access tour that I wrote alongside the artist.
To be in public in my professional workspace within this powerful show, alongside artists and community that I loved while being voice-off was a thrill, and I’m glad it worked out that way. The goal is not to feel like a burden – not to apologize for not talking. To be allowed to exist non-verbally and still feel like I belong – as any non-verbal participant, artist, or worker belongs. Even as I am excited at how it went down, I feel the static of negative thoughts reinforcing everything I am trying to fight against. I am often, internally, the chorus I am seeking to prove wrong.
Tonight, that show wraps, and tomorrow, I’ll be handling the restoration of the gallery to a white box in anticipation of our next artist, which I usually do in silence anyway. The real challenge comes later this week as I meet with grunt’s 2025 non-verbal artist cohort as they get introduced to their six-week program, and I begin working with the speaking/hearing artist who is being installed and exhibited later this month. I have participated in installations non-verbally in the past, but always that feeling of inconveniencing others/ableism is loud and tough to ignore. I am projecting an over-optimistic attitude, not only because this incoming artist is very organized and has been informed with a long lead time that I (and other assistants) will be non-verbal during their installation, but also to try and anticipate or armour up for the negative spiral that my brain will could take in the coming days.
Challenges, Challenges
At home, I presented another personal challenge for February to my partner. I do love creative challenges (and we have already proven that a month of silence is not an insurmountable challenge – learn ASL, reader – you won’t regret it). We both have been lamenting our ever-increasing digital consumption while our reading wishlist has grown long. Therefore, we will try to avoid streaming entertainment (including games 🙀 :haunted, screaming cat emoji:) and web comics throughout February in favour of tackling the backlog of books we have been wanting to read.
As I wrap up today’s blog, I spy my partner, holding a book limply in his hand while he dozes, my own novel open and facedown on the coffee table, and wonder how long our energy and conviction will last.
Technology note:
I used chatGPT to create a summary and reading estimate, and recommend some content warnings for this blog, and Grammarly to assist me in spelling and grammar.